Jennifer Tan was lucky enough to spend a lot of time in Disney World — it was practically her second home. She lived just five minutes away from the Florida attraction, so whenever she had free time, she’d bop around using an all-in-one Disney MagicBand that offered loyal guests tons of perks — if you had it on your person. So when Jennifer had an accident with her band, she resorted to an extreme ‘solution’ to keep her perks that are leaving Disney fans divided
Are there really any theme parks in the world as magical as Disney World? Jennifer couldn’t get enough of the incredible detail and effort that went into every single ride and attraction. She knew that Disney truly had something for everyone, though as she spent more time there, she did notice one harsh reality.
That reality was other visitors. A whole lot of them. One thing you won’t see in a television commercial is an exhausted parent trying to maneuver through packed waves of other exhausted parents. Jen realized the Disney experience wasn’t always filled to the brim with smiles. Luckily, the parks do have ways to help with the chaotic crowds.
One of them was the use of nifty FastPass tickets available to any paying guest. Essentially, she grabbed a ticket with a specific timeslot printed on it, and when she arrived to the attraction at that time, she could skip waiting in a long line and head right to the front. But, in recent years, Disney created something even better for loyal visitors.
They’re called MagicBands, and they offer a whole lot more than just your regular FastPass. These microchipped wrist accessories not only act as their own FastPass, but guests can also use them to purchase food and drink, buy souvenirs, unlock hotel rooms, board hotel-airport shuttles, and scroll through photos taken by in-park cameras.
Basically, if you want to have the full Disney experience and receive a whole bunch of perks most other guests don’t even know exist, you invest in a Disney MagicBand. As soon as Jen heard about this new scannable access pass, she knew she had to have one.
Jennifer was an avid computer gamer who spent much of her time live-streaming videos on the social media platform Twitch under the alias Mrs. Fett. She lived in the community of Celebration, a unique census-designated area a few minutes drive from the theme parks, and she wore her MagicBand constantly — until an accident forced her to rethink the bracelets.
Jennifer and her boyfriend hopped on their motorcycle to enjoy an afternoon cruising the streets and basking in the warm Florida sunshine. At one point, the motorcycle throttle thrust the bike forward, causing Jennifer’s MagicBand to pop off. Hoping that it hadn’t shattered, she hopped off to retrieve it from the street.
Fortunately, her expensive accessory was still intact, but the whole incident got her thinking about ways to ensure she never lost the band again. After a bit of brainstorming and online research, she contacted a company called Dangerous Things.
Dangerous Things specialized in creating microchips. Jennifer sent the company two Disney MagicBands, which it dismantled. Then, Dangerous Things encapsulated the removed computer chips into clear casings and sent them back to Jennifer. This was the first step in a very unorthodox plan.
The small encasings sent back to Jennifer weren’t just made of regular plastic. They were actually specially designed bioprotein casings that could enter into the body safely without the electronic chip disrupting the function of internal organs.
That’s right, the whole goal of contacting Dangerous Things was to have the MagicBand’s microchips inserted into Jennifer’s body! Plenty of Disney superfans had Mickey tattoos and earrings, but surely most of them would never dream of implanting a Disney computer.
As horrifying as that sounds, it apparently was a fairly easy procedure. Jennifer said, “There is a tiny teeny itty bitty baby incision here that is about half an inch long, and the implant sits actually through there. After we made the pocket, it was as simple as sliding it in, a butterfly stitch shut, and done. We did it really relaxed and it took us 45 minutes.”
Of course, the procedure wasn’t completely free of pain, but Jennifer was more than willing to have this needle pierce her skin and plant the microchip. “It’s a simple process, but it is definitely not a 100% pain-free process. But it’s kind of like your stepping stone. That’s how you earn it.”
Jennifer happily toughed out the procedure, and less than 24 hours later, this was what her wrist looked like. “Recovery is great. I had minimal swelling, but as you can see I can completely move my wrist. I don’t feel it at all. The only time I ever feel it is if either my Husky jumps on me or I knock it on something,” she explained.
A couple days later, you couldn’t even tell Jennifer had a microchip implanted in her. “It lays completely flat and, you know, the placement is perfect. But it’s like the rest of them where it’s so well hidden and just deep enough that, like, you can’t actually see the indentation in my hand.” Shockingly enough, she wasn’t the first person to undergo this procedure.
“Mission Disney Biohack” was first attempted by James Rosemergy, but unfortunately, there were too many safety features built into the MagicBand microchips that he couldn’t override. However, Jennifer sought help from a company that specialized in biohacking, which gave her a huge advantage. The procedure also meant Jennifer officially slipped into a new category of being.
Believe it or not, because she had a microchip implant, technically that made her a cyborg! You might know a certain famous cyborg in the form of Robocop. Of course, she wasn’t fighting crime with a body mostly compromised of machinery, but she was prepared to bust into Disney theme parks at a moment’s notice. Unfortunately, an unexpected obstacle got in her way.
Almost immediately after the coronavirus tore through every country in the world, all the Disney parks immediately shut down. Jennifer was forced to stay home and keep hope alive that her procedure would eventually pay off. It took nearly a year for restrictions to start easing up, but eventually she returned with her new MagicBanded arm.
And (drumroll, please!)… It worked! The invasive procedure was completely worth it, as Dangerous Things was able to do what fellow cyborg James Rosemergy couldn’t. In fact, James actually reached out to Jennifer to chat with her about the entire experience, and she happily discussed everything in detail with (a probably jealous) James. Though he wasn’t the only one to find out…
As you can imagine, once Disney caught wind there were regular visitors cracking open the MagicBands and surgically implant the microchips in their arms, they began putting warnings on the boxes to dissuade curious biohackers. While some might heed the warning and walk away, Disney wondered if others would recklessly follow Jen’s example.
