DNA Test Exposes A Dark Family Secret About Woman And Her Brother

Like Jolie, Neil also used 23andMe to learn more about himself. He was adopted by his parents in 1960, when he was just 10 days old. Growing up in Montreal, he made several attempts to find his bio-mom but came up empty-handed.

Neil loved his adoptive parents and vice versa, but wanted to know more about any hidden quirks in his DNA. “I opted to do what some people might find a little strange: I spit in a test tube and sent it off to California,” he said.

He also hoped that DNA testing could connect him with potential family members. Something many adopted children wonder is why their biological parents put them up for adoption in the first place. Many never really know; Neil was determined to not be part of that statistic.

This takes us back to Jolie. “I had been doing family history research, genealogy research for a few years and had developed a fairly extensive family tree,” she said. Using 23andMe would help fill in some of the missing gaps.

Jolie uncovered more than she ever could have anticipated. After she received her results, she saw she had a message from another 23andMe user: Neil. It turns out her family tree had a hidden branch.

See, when you upload your information into the 23andMe database, it shows other people who have taken the test and may be related to you. Normally, you might find a long-lost second cousin. Or, you might find Neil.

Jolie and Neil discovered they had a much closer relationship than that. The two were biological siblings. “Suddenly I press a button and here’s my brother,” Jolie said. Neil was elated. Jolie was shocked.

The two of them had a lot of catching up to do. They met at a restaurant in San Francisco — the first time they’d ever seen each other in person. Conversation was light and easy, and the two connected.

“I felt an immediate kinship and connection with him,” Jolie said. “We look similar. We have similar movements.” She invited him to visit her in California. The two talked until the place closed and made plans for another major meeting during Neil’s California visit. Neil had an important question for his mother.

Why, he wanted to know, was he put up for adoption? Why was it that Jolie was raised by her birth mom, but he, Neil, was given away? The question had gnawed at him since he learned about his sister.

So, later that year, in Oakland, Jolie introduced Neil to his biological mom. Unfortunately, their mom suffered from dementia, which clouded the moment. “It certainly wasn’t a typical reunion you see on TV,” Neil said.

But now that Jolie knew she had a secret brother, she, too, felt she was owed her an explanation from her mother. She was scared to ask her mom, so she pulled some details from her mom’s best friend first.

The answer left Neil heartbroken. All he could say after the conversation was, “It was the welcome completion of a quest I had had for 50 years. It confirmed that I wasn’t placed on the earth by aliens, that I had a mother.”

The friend confirmed the 23andMe results. When their mom was pregnant with Neil, the friend explained, she was going through a divorce. She already knew she’d be supporting Jolie as a single mom and didn’t think she could also afford to keep Neil.

Swallowing this information was hard for Neil. He had just been… given up. The information cut him deep, and Jolie could tell. They promised to maintain a relationship, but the new information soon became a problem.

Neil returned for another California visit and in return, his family flew to Montreal to see him. Neil’s return to the Pearl household caused tension. There was unresolved trauma, and the Pearls weren’t willing to work through it.

“I was an icon for everything that was wrong in that family. It was shocking,” Neil said. Things only got worse when the family gathered for Thanksgiving at Neil’s house. His bio-mom became rude and violent, so he kicked her out, angering some of the other Pearls.

Part of the reason for the awkwardness was good old-fashioned embarrassment. She kept Jolie and gave up Neil and no matter how much time passed, this was something he couldn’t come to terms with.

Their mom was never brave enough to share what she did, and her selfishly keeping this secret was a major reason Neil couldn’t successfully integrate with the Pearls. Adoption isn’t shameful but keeping one sibling from knowing they have another is always the wrong decision.

Neil and Jolie haven’t spoken much since their initial reunions. “I think it was part of the embarrassment. It ripped a scab off, the fact that I existed and was given up for adoption in secret,” Neil said. Jolie refused to comment. Like mother, like daughter.

Looking back on his journey, Neil thought the entire experience was negative, but was still pleased to have embarked on his search.